In this episode of Mansplaining Manhood, Justin and Jay talk about loneliness wounds. God created us to live in the joy of community. Take heart and be encouraged to fellowship.
In this episode of Mansplaining Manhood, Justin and Jay talk about loneliness wounds. God created us to live in the joy of community. Take heart and be encouraged to fellowship.
you're listening to mansplaining manhood
you're listening to mansplaining manhood
where two, nobodies are talking about that. Greatest somebody I'm Justin and I'm Jay.
Welcome back, Jay here at M squared drinking coffee, having toast for the morning.
Wait whoa. Back up with the coffee, man. What are we drinking?
You're right. It's not coffee. It's
chai tea
latte. Yeah. I T latte. Yeah, we made it in your
Keurig I didn't make it my hand it, but it is really good. It's definitely different. It's got a sweetness to it I think it's nutmeg. That's very Christmasy. Reminds me of the cold. That's probably cuz of spices. It's good, man. I like it almost as much as coffee. I.
I think it has its own category.
, I can't really say one's better than the other cause I enjoy a good black cup of coffee. Yeah. But also
enjoy that too. It is different. It's another option. It is.
It's a delicious option. That's worth the sipping. Yeah. I'm
not bonkers about straight up tea. I
actually like tea ultra hot tea, iced tea,
cold tea, but not as much as coffee or this Chi stuff.
Depends on my mood.
I'll take some, it's gotta be good. Like tea leaves. Yeah. Where you actually put in a steeper and let it steep in your water and yeah. Like a good hibiscus tea or you don't wanna
bag of lip then?
No, li has its it's if I'm trying to make iced tea. Sure. I'll put some limp bags in my coffee maker.
Yeah. And then run through the coffee pot. Yeah, that's good. And then pour a couple, the pots in a, in a.
Jug. Yeah. And then 10 cups of sugar on top of it.
No. Maybe like a half a cup of sugar. Oh, a mix in it. So it's like slightly sweet, but mostly UN unsweet. Yeah, that's good.
I like it. And then a pile of ice cubes.
Drop a little lemon in there. Yeah. You got some Southern sweet tea and a hot day. Coachy
sounds great. I like it. All right. Hey Jay. So this. What are we talking about
this week, session five, we're gonna talk about the all alone wound
Because guys have lots of flaws. One of them is we think we can live life on our own. But time and time again, it proves that we can't. And one of the big dilemmas we run into, it's actually an epidemic. Is that men are struggling with loneliness and lack of direction because we're a drift on our own,
It's funny, this reminds me of a little meme that my wife showed me this week and it was a pack of zebras, like far off in the distance and one being chased by a lion.
And it says the guy who thinks he can live life by himself while the Zebra's running from the lion, the pack are all by themselves going, huh? Told you Johnny. He should have been with
us. yeah, it's a good illustration, man. That's what's going on. That's exactly what we're talking about today. All alone wound.
It's men's suffer. And this is one of the ways we suffer, man. This is another wound we had talked in earlier sessions about looking back. And this is another part of looking back. We talked about the dad wound, and then we talked about the mom wound. And this here is the all alone wound.
That's right. And how do you go about, cuz also in other past episodes we've talked about the Paul that Timothy and the Barnabas is, that's what this is gonna talk about and
touch on. Yeah. How to introduce those teammates in your life.
Absolutely. We're gonna be talking about the importance of a man's relationship with other men and how those relationships or.
Lack of them can affect a man. We're gonna introduce to you the different type of wound, which you just talked about is the wound that is self inflicted and it's called the all alone
wound. Yeah, self inflicted. We're gonna look at that in a second, too. So this wound characterizes a man who attempts to live life alone on their own.
Just like that. Zebra, you were talking about teammates in life are essential for us to become better men. The people we purposely surround ourselves with in life are critical and they influence us good or bad.
A basketball team. There's five players on the court.
Try to be the one guy against five. It's not gonna work well.
Try
to be the baseball player who has to play all three bases, the catcher, the pitcher and the outfielders. It's not gonna go well, it's not gonna go well at all.
We need coaches for sports, we know we need coaches for sports in vocational world, in the business world. You want to coach to help you better yourself at your occupation. Yeah, there's apprenticeships. Because you need someone to guide you sports.
You need someone to guide you. Coaches, they hire and fire 'em cuz they're so important to winning, to finishing the race.
But when it comes to life, which is infinitely more important than sports and business, we don't think we need coaches.
We don't think we need men in our lives to help us. Go through life. life is the hardest and the greatest thing you'll ever
do.
We're all about coaches in business and sports. When it comes to life. We think that, oh, that's weakness. I can figure this out. . We gotta change that. Thinking that mindset because it's not weakness. Life is more important as sports. Everyone would agree. Then why not have coaches and mentors in life to be successful?
So the three types of teammates we're gonna talk about, and this is how we brought it up in the past that Paul Barnabas and Timothy. So we're gonna break him down, the first one is the mentor,
the encouraging mentor, you want to have someone in your life who is a step ahead of you and can offer you wisdom and guidance. It's someone who takes a special interest in you. This is like the man who's lived life before you who if you have young kids find a guy whose kids are already grown and out the house, just like you get the guy at work who has been there for 30, 40 years. He's shown you what to do. So same thing with life. Find the guy in the area in your life that has, already lived this season. We talked about in the past the four different seasons.
The older, wiser man relationships. Could be grandfathers, a neighbor pastors, elders, a teacher in school who invests in you?
Even a coach. I had a pretty cool basketball coach. Didn't just teach me about basketball. And interestingly enough, I realized that it wasn't about the sport as much as he was trying to teach life skills, the guy skills and how to handle things. Basketball was just a tool to do it.
One of the things I remember him saying when things were bad and you'd, walk to the end of the court with your head hung. and he would yell out " winners never hang their heads". It wasn't just about the sport. That translates to life stuff too. So that kind of a guy, someone that you can talk to and we're talking about heart level, soul level relationships. This is beyond the surface talk.
How you doing? How's your marriage. Are you feeling depressed? It's the intimate stuff that you typically don't wanna talk about.
Using someone in the next step in life ahead of you to learn how to navigate your season is the goal.
That's what we're talking about.
That's right. Go find yourself. One of those Fred. We have, we've had Fred on
here a couple of times. Yeah. Fred is definitely a mentor.
He is a well seasoned man. He's in that winter area of his life go find the Fred.
Fred is a thinker and listening to even how Fred thinks and processes stuff has been an influence on me.
Fred's a good example for us.
Someone who is committed to your development and these people, do see the best in you, even when you can't see it, and they try to pull those things out someone that you admire and respect. Don't get a bad
mentor.
Not just the guy who maybe made a lot of money.
Not that your mentor can't be a wealthy guy. But that shouldn't be the primary qualification. Yes. That you're looking for.
You want the guy that can handle life,
The guy who handles the pressure, find a man who's had a successful. That is, married for the last 30, 40 years and loves his spouse. That's the guy you wanna talk to about your marriage? You wanna find a guy who's been divorced two or three times.
Can you tell me about marriage or the guy who's not married? They're not gonna have the best
advice for you. You want someone bold? Someone courageous someone that's a good thinker. Someone that has handled things well, someone with some consistency, they don't give up that kind of guy, not just the guy that can make a lot of money and everything else in his life just isn't Paning out well
you wanna find a well balanced man.
You wanna find a man who knows how to be a king, a warrior, a friend, and a lover. All of those faces. You wanna find that dynamic man
for your mentor? A multidimensional man, same stuff we always talk about
You wanna find a man who knows how to reject, pass?
He can lead courageously.
He knows how to invest eternally.
And he can accept responsibility.
That's the type of
mentor you wanna find. Multidimensional.
Jay, this is where you and I fall, in this category.
Right here. You and I is the side by side teammate, that's the Barnabas we've talked about.
That's the Barnabas.
Or the Nathaniel or
The Jonathan. And we say that because Paul in the Bible, in the new Testament, Paul worked with Barnabas, they went on missions together.
They went to different cities. They had the same dangers. But they didn't go alone.
. Barnabus was there to encourage and be with Paul. He
helped carry the load. Paul and Barnabas knew it is not wise to isolate yourself and try to travel the journey in life on your own. So they took each other with them and together they handled it.
They beared one another's burdens. They sharpened each other many hands make light work kind of concept.
Side by side teammate. So that's where we, you and I would fall in these categories. I'd say you're my side by side guy. My side by side guy. Yeah. Yeah. You
too.
Thank you, Jay. We're not alone. We're not in isolation,
man.
Woo. Blessed. It is the man who has a few committed teammates,
man teammates. I like the word. Don't make a cliche out of it, but it is teammates. You have guys around you. Helping you to do life. Cuz we're just talking about sports and business.
That's right. And you have teammates in sports, same concept. You have teammates in life. We're using the word teammates and think of a bullpen of teammates, men with different qualifications, different strengths and from different seasons who you can count on and call upon. At any time in life about any issue or struggle, and these people can come out and encourage you and link arms and get you outta the pit when you need to, they can share all the joys in life and all the sorrows with you.
You're not
alone. You want to find the guy that, they love you unconditionally, but will speak truth into your life. And they are true friends who are committed to your best. So this is the guy who's gonna call you out when you're being a knucklehead. You're out there complaining whether it's about your wife or your work, or uncon contentment or your pride.
Cut it out knucklehead he's calling you out on the stuff that's gonna make the best of you versus encouraging you to do the
worst. Yeah. Why are you doing this? Or why aren't you doing that and challenging you, but you gotta
be open to it.
That's right. You actually have to be open to it. Picture of this two guys sitting at a diner table, they're eating lunch. They both come in there and they're like, how are you doing one? Guy's busy at work and all that good stuff.
And the next guy just comes from arguing with his wife, work, stressing him out. He's got, debt up to the ears and all he goes I'm fine. But doesn't. Actually tell him what's going on in life.
Meanwhile, he probably just left the house fighting and arguing. And on the way there is cursing and swearing at the traffic and cutting people
off.
So that guy needs to step out and say I actually need a teammate here that I can , talk to, express the stuff that I'm going through life they've given me clarity and help me walk through this stuff.
You're not called to be alone.
God has not designed a life where you were to live in isolation. So when you are alone and you're struggling, what do you expect?
We desire a companionship. We desire people to talk to and be
with. We're the kinda guy that does do that. We show up after just leaving the mess. And imagine you got the guy in front of you. He did ask how you doing.
And we chose to say good after all the garbage we just went through today's dude, ask me and I just didn't share
why. Yeah. Take the pride, put it down for a moment. Be honest with people. Before we started this recording today, Jay, you and I, we talked about life.
What was new in it? What's going on work situations, personal situations. And we encourage each other. We listen, we call each other out when we need to. And that's what we do. We, actually we're a little late. We talked for two hours before we actually started today. Yeah. We're gonna squeeze in a podcast.
But that's what we do. And that's what, having that side by side teammate does. He's calling you out,
Professor Jeffrey Grief, who wrote the book Buddy System. He's talking about the same thing. He said, some men remain stuck in the adolescent phase of friendship.
Oh, the
Peter pan of friendships. That's
right. Hey, I'm always good. Even though I'm not, and you're always good and we're just gonna hang out and do something that's very surface level and we never take that step into the next phase of friendship, cuz we're just not bold. We're courageous enough to share
The last, of the three types of teammates, that we're gonna talk about is
the protege,
the eager prote.
So the protege is gonna be someone who is a step behind you in life, but eager to learn from your experience, you have the opportunity to give back and invest in others,
So for me right now, my stage just would be like my sons, or a young man early twentie. That maybe wants to step into marriage or is about to ramp up into their career that I can actually invest in again. Then this is gonna be like the mentor. Now you're the mentor
it's gonna be someone that you want a personally dump time into. You're encouraging them and giving them solid advice. And you're not letting them get away with just adolescence,
This is someone that you can develop and encourage
And you gotta have a little care, because this person is gonna go through the same things you went through and you probably don't want him to do it as ignorant as you did because he is gonna struggle. So it's just taking someone younger, giving him a heads up, Hey man, this is how you do this.
This is how you deal with debt. This is how you stay out of debt, this is how you find a girl and actually have something successful in your life. This is how you develop your work ethic. Don't do what everybody else is doing. Please do this instead. I didn't do this. It'll help you if you do. And that's the kind of mentorship we're talking about,
you have the opportunity to give back and invest in others.
So now man, we're gonna talk about the all alone wound. The all alone wound comes from the tendency of a man to live life outside of character shaping relationships.
This is a self-inflicted wound. And it's avoidable. It is
it's avoidable. You can change it. You don't have to stay there. You're not a victim.
The all alone wound is a social, emotional and spiritual loss caused by the lack of healthy male teammates.
Any loss is bad, man. When it when it comes to health, that's a big loss. It is social. It affects the people around you. It affects how you deal with the world socially, which is a big problem today.
You actually
have to go out and talk to. Yeah. And if, and communicate to people, kids these days say,
I don't know how to talk to people. I've never heard those words formed in that sentence before
that's guys have been stuck at home on a cell phone or playing video games and they're not outside playing talk of the neighbors.
Yeah. Going to the store, actually communicating to people, looking them in the eyes.
Isn't that something. So if you're a young guy today, listen, The challenge ahead of you is steep because you've probably grown up just not talking to adults and older people that you look 'em in the eye and you shake their hand and you say, how are you?
How's it going? It's bad.
It is. Look, go, next time you go to the restaurant, look around. At the families and look how many people are just everyone at the table staring at their cell phone. Not talking to each other. Talking about stuff they've seen online, but everyone's looking at their phone and then they find someone like, look, everyone looks at their phone and then they go back to staring at their phone versus not having their phones in their face and looking and communicating and talking and laughing.
I see it all the time. It's crazy what we're doing with our phones and social media.
We're talking about that all alone is that social media makes you feel like you're actually connected to people, but you're not, but you're not.
You're looking at a snapshot of someone's life or thought. It. They're not sharing all the bad
stuff. You're seeing what they want you to see. And that's what guys do. That's what we do. We want people to see the good stuff and we don't want 'em to see the struggles.
And so this is why we have all alone wounds and it affects us emotionally and spiritually, most men are never truly known. That's a heavy
statement right there. You may be a very popular guy.
You may have lots and lots of acquaintances, you may know your neighbors, who they are. You may talk to 'em all the time, but do any of 'em really know who you are personally? What you're struggling with, what's really going on in. not just oh yeah. Johnny boy over there loves, the football team, down the road okay, great.
I'm glad they know your sports team. Cuz you got your flag out front, like but what do they actually know about you?
This guy knows everyone, but no one knows him. Let's talk about this guy for a minute. He doesn't want anyone to know him. He knows a lot of people.
He's connected with a lot of people on social media or even at work, but he doesn't want anyone to know him. They don't know him. They know how he dresses. They think he's, popular. They think he's tough or whatever image he's trying to display, but he won't let anybody in a guy like this only learns from pain.
He can't learn from mentorship. He can't learn from feedback from any of these teammates around him cuz he doesn't share. So he learns from mistakes. He learns from his own errors and pain because he thinks that mentorship and reaching out to guys is
weak.
What is the consequence of the all own
wound, man?
consequences for the all alone wound.
Is a warped perspective on life. Ouch.
When you're disconnected, your life becomes warped. That's heavy.
It is. It causes lots of
havoc. You know what it affects. Ultimately, you become a statistic on the FBI's yearly crime
statistics sheet 72.5% of all crime committed by men.
That's what warped life looks like you
become a father wound.
Because you're not connecting with your boys.
Because confused disconnected men are destructive. You don't have disconnected men who are navigating life and contributing to society in a good, beneficial way. Disconnected guys are confused, men and confused men commit more crimes, and women and children and society suffers because of it.
There's a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death. Ouch. Where did
that statement come? That's from Proverbs 14. 12. Oh, you mean God's word has something to say about the topic? Absolutely. That's
a whole lot about the topic. Scripture is filled with men, not needing to be alone. Think about all of the stories in scripture, like king David had Jonathan. He was going through trial after trial people the king was trying to kill him, Saul was trying to kill king David constantly.
Saul's own son. Jonathan loved David. And protected David.
They loved each other. They loved each other like men not the stuff we're seeing today. Like men, they cared for each other. They had each other's back, they supported each other and they had a genuine soul level relationship, character building relationship.
That's right. Jonathan put his life on the line for king David.
Yeah, he did. And Nathan also was a man in David's life. Who called him out when he was wrong.
When he was. he went to him and he didn't just come to him directly. I think there's many ways you can call a man out.
Yeah. But, he shared a story and he says, isn't that unfair? And he is oh, that's outrageous. He goes, that's you?
Yeah. And how clever was that? . And then you have people in the new Testament. Paul had, as we said earlier, Barnabas. He also had Silas, another friend, that he went on missions with. And even Jesus who's the manhood that we're modeling had 12 disciples.
He had 12 side by side friendships, and he also mentored them. That's
right. He gave us the perfect example.
Nowhere in the Bible do you see it support or teach isolation? Nowhere because it's dangerous. It actually speaks against it. Just like that verse you just read and we think we're too busy for it.
Or we think it's weakness to reach out. But as that verse says, there's a way that seems right to a man. We think we're right by not reaching out and developing relationships, but as the verse finishes, but its end is the way of death. Amen that Bible's not silent on that topic to get an accurate picture of yourself.
You need feedback from trusted teammates.
You need people that are gonna give you honest answers, not harsh, and just constantly berating you and putting you down. But someone that can actually give you good feedback.
Who you are and how you treat people and how you communicate to people.
my older brother who is a mentor to me, we were talking about this last week about having an accountability partner in your life. And I had mentioned, man, one little thing me and you through the Bible every year.
Yep. And I told him, I would not be doing three years straight if it wasn't for Justin, I wouldn't, I would've gave up six months in. On your own, it's hard, man.
I've heard it described this way. Imagine a bonfire, not a campfire, a bonfire, the big one. Yep. Tons of wood. Pallets, all of it. This thing is an Inferno at night sparks, just rising into the sky. Hot. Ugh, you gotta stand back a little bit, starts to burn your shins. You know what I'm talking about? Yep.
And you take one log off of that bonfire and carry it about 20 feet away and set it down. What happens to it burns away. It burns out, man. It can't stay a flame because it's not on the pile. And so that teamwork, that bullpen we're talking about is that big bonfire. And when you carry one off and drop it somewhere, it burns out, man, it gets cold.
Real fast, immediately. Amazing. It was just so hot here. What happened? You took it away from the fellowship.
It needs the other wood.
And it's life. Yeah. We need each other to, to give each other feedback,
we
need help we do our best. But doing it alone is not easy. And what happens? What's another consequence.
Another consequence, is the potential of careless living in foolish choices.
The definition of foolish, lacking, or exhibiting a lack of good sense or judgment. Capable of arousing laughter absurd or ridiculous. Embarrassed. abashed, lacking a good sense of judgment and discretion.
A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire. He rages against all wise
judgment. That's the fool right there,
and that's from Proverbs 18 one.
Not having a teammate makes it easy for the standard to get lowered.
If I know you're not watching what I'm doing, I'm risking doing the wrong thing cuz I'm not gonna be called out that. I'm gonna take the easy path because nobody's gonna stop
me instead of being a man who accepts responsibility and rejects passivity and leads, courageously and invest eternally, you're gonna lower that standard.
I can
be passive here cuz nobody's gonna stop me.
The path to foolish decisions is often the loneliness.
A lost chance for much needed transparency. Every man needs teammates with whom he can feel safe. Now, guys, not like this. I need a safe space to talk because my truth and your truth. No guys. There's one truth. It's God's truth. Let's make that clear.
There is absolute truth out there. Nonetheless, a consequence from this all alone is a lost chance of much needed transparency.
You're not open with people. You're not honest with people. I tell my kids all the time, don't hide. Your feelings, you need to learn how to articulate, you have to be transparent.
And the only way you can be transparent is if you have that relationship with somebody that you know, that when you tell them, they're not just gonna go tell every. That's what I mean by feeling
safe, there's a level of confidentiality. If you tell me your business, I'm not gonna just go tell it to everybody. I actually keep it safe for you. And I work on it with you. And unless you approve of me inviting someone else into that issue for more support and help and direction.
That's what we mean by safe.
Without transparency, most of these men. Are likely to fall into the three DS, Jay, what are
they? Yeah, either one or all of them. That's right. Number one's discouragement. You don't have anybody around you're discouraged.
Who likes to be lonely? I'm so glad I'm lonely. I never heard anybody say that. And you become discouraged because you have no hope. Depression is number two. You fall into depression and it's hard to get outta depression. A true depression. I'm not talking about just the blues. I'm talking about a depression where you lose energy to climb back on the horse.
And you fall into danger. What kind of danger, man? I start doing stupid things that get me on the FBI's list.
That's right. I'll become the 72.5%.
Just pile you on top of everybody else. You're just another statistic, man. Cuz you haven't been doing what needs to be done to live a bold successful life.
Us for life. Amen. We need other guys, man. when we watch other guys do bold courageous things, it encourages us to do the same. When I see you be a good husband or a good father, I want to be a good husband and good
father. Jay, I see you go to work and work hard. It makes me want to go to work and work hard. So when we see other guys do something, it encourages us to do it.
When I see you text me a verse, man, I'm like, Hey, I gotta get on it too, man. I want what he got today. I gotta giddy up.
We talked about the three that we need. We need mentors. We need someone to mentor. We need that side by side teammate. Then we talked about the all alone wound, what it actually means, and the consequences of them.
So how do we actually build these teammates? We could see the consequence of that loneliness. We know that what type of teammates we need. So how do we actually build 'em Jay
man, you gotta learn how to be a loyal teammate. Someone who can encourage other.
And then you have to learn how to ask good questions and take a genuine interest in someone else.
My wife called me out one time many years ago on that one said, Justin people try to talk to you and you're not even listening. You're just trying to come up with what you wanna say next, because I wasn't taken an interest in what people were saying.
And when I did, I find that people want someone to talk. I can go in the gas station and come out and hear like a personal life story from the guy behind the counter all within five minutes, because he just needed someone to talk to. Yeah. And someone to ask a question.
Like that guy needs somebody in his life. If you just meet someone on the street and they're telling you a deep, personal secret, like they're crying out. They want someone to ask them these questions. And I think all of us guys, men. need
somebody like this. I would say if you want to be a loyal teammate who encourages, and if you want to be someone who takes a genuine interest in someone else, one word.
Ears. Be a listener,
shut up. And I'm not saying never say anything, but be someone who can listen. Be a great listener, man. Tell me what's going on.
Tell me what happened. What are you thinking? Ask questions. Good questions, but be a listener.
Shut your trap because someone going through something probably, isn't gonna remember what you said, but they're gonna remember that you listened to them. So it takes ears, man, if you wanna be and that's at work, that's at home, your kid's got something going on.
Listen to what they said. Hear all of it. And then come with something later, but be ears first.
Sometimes you don't even have to give advice. Just
listen. People just want a sounding board. I want to get this out. I wanna say it and I need someone to be there, be that person for them.
And half the time when you're listening, as that person's talking, they're coming to the own realization of what they need to
fix a lot of times that happens. Yeah. And then if you wanna be helpful, ask a question that encourages them to talk more and be more ears for them. Another way man, to build healthy teammates is be willing to be vulnerable and transparent.
You know what I'm gonna say it he asked me how I'm doing and I'm gonna say not good. I'm not doing good today, man. I got this going on, that going on and it sucks. And I'm trying to get through it. What would you do?
Put the wall down. You have to be intentional with other men.
You gotta initiate these relationships. Don't wait for someone else to, because they probably never will. Cuz guys just dont.
He who walks with wise, men will be wise. But the companion of fools will be destroyed.
proverbs 1320. You want
to be a wise man. Walk with
wise men,
so hang out with wise, men, hang out with guys who have the life together, who care for their children and care for their spouses and are passionate about communicating
let's talk about the different types of mentors. Again, how do you look for one? look for a man whose character and skills you admire. And then the protege
Be a man to whom others are drawn. Make yourself available. Be the guy who has his life together, be the guy who is vulnerable and can talk, be the guy who loves others. You attract people. The way you attract people is you put these four pillars of manhood.
We keep talking about you are a multidimensional man.
I wanna be near him. Cause I wanna be like that.
Ecclesiastes says. Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their toil.
For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow, but woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up.
Think of that verse, even if you're not a Christian and you read that, what would the man who falls and doesn't have someone to help him?
Have you ever been there where you have no one around to lift you up? The Bible talks about all those issues.
Imagine you fall on a pit in the middle of the woods and you don't have anyone to help you out of a pit. You're stuck in that pit.
You're stuck in the pit. And even if it's not a physical pit, , you're going through something in life and you're alone. The Bible speaks about all those issues. Check it. God, didn't leave us alone to wander around and just flail in the dark there's there is a light to get through life and that's our manual.
Yeah.
Jay God sent us his son to die on a cross for our sins. So we didn't have to be alone. So we could spend eternity with him, with others in this fellowship, because hell is aloneness. Everyone thinks hell's this party. It's not it's aloneness. Jay separation from true separation from.
You don't know what separation from God is, cuz he's still here. But when you die, that's permanent separation and you're in hell in torment all alone by yourself. No, one's there with you. It's a lake of fire, but heaven man. That's fellowship. We're worshiping. We're working together, man. God sent his son.
Jesus Christ for us. Repent. Believe.
Until you get there, God has given you a manual to get through life. You will suffer all the way through, but you can suffer well and not alone.
You have a different perspective on suffering, as a Christian, when you have Christ in your life, I have a heavenly father and a kingdom waiting for me.
My suffering here is preparing me for something later. So I'm not looking at this as, oh, what was me I'm looking at, this is what God's got me going through, and this is actually developing me as God is using it for my good, whether I like it or not. So there is joy in suffering. Amen. That's not a
waste.
Men don't be alone. Initiate. Be the man be intentional.
A lot of information this week. Next week's about the heart, man. We're gonna look a little 📍 deeper into the heart of a man.
That's right. It's gonna be good stuff. I'm looking forward to it, Jay. Thanks for being here. Thanks for listening to me for two hours before we actually recorded this.
Yeah, it was good. I love you brother. Next week, brother. Talk to you soon.where two, nobodies are talking about that. Greatest somebody I'm Justin and I'm Jay.
Welcome back, Jay here at M squared drinking coffee, having toast for the morning.
Wait whoa. Back up with the coffee, man. What are we drinking?
You're right. It's not coffee. It's
chai tea
latte. Yeah. I T latte. Yeah, we made it in your
Keurig I didn't make it my hand it, but it is really good. It's definitely different. It's got a sweetness to it I think it's nutmeg. That's very Christmasy. Reminds me of the cold. That's probably cuz of spices. It's good, man. I like it almost as much as coffee. I.
I think it has its own category.
, I can't really say one's better than the other cause I enjoy a good black cup of coffee. Yeah. But also
enjoy that too. It is different. It's another option. It is.
It's a delicious option. That's worth the sipping. Yeah. I'm
not bonkers about straight up tea. I
actually like tea ultra hot tea, iced tea,
cold tea, but not as much as coffee or this Chi stuff.
Depends on my mood.
I'll take some, it's gotta be good. Like tea leaves. Yeah. Where you actually put in a steeper and let it steep in your water and yeah. Like a good hibiscus tea or you don't wanna
bag of lip then?
No, li has its it's if I'm trying to make iced tea. Sure. I'll put some limp bags in my coffee maker.
Yeah. And then run through the coffee pot. Yeah, that's good. And then pour a couple, the pots in a, in a.
Jug. Yeah. And then 10 cups of sugar on top of it.
No. Maybe like a half a cup of sugar. Oh, a mix in it. So it's like slightly sweet, but mostly UN unsweet. Yeah, that's good.
I like it. And then a pile of ice cubes.
Drop a little lemon in there. Yeah. You got some Southern sweet tea and a hot day. Coachy
sounds great. I like it. All right. Hey Jay. So this. What are we talking about
this week, session five, we're gonna talk about the all alone wound
Because guys have lots of flaws. One of them is we think we can live life on our own. But time and time again, it proves that we can't. And one of the big dilemmas we run into, it's actually an epidemic. Is that men are struggling with loneliness and lack of direction because we're a drift on our own,
It's funny, this reminds me of a little meme that my wife showed me this week and it was a pack of zebras, like far off in the distance and one being chased by a lion.
And it says the guy who thinks he can live life by himself while the Zebra's running from the lion, the pack are all by themselves going, huh? Told you Johnny. He should have been with
us. yeah, it's a good illustration, man. That's what's going on. That's exactly what we're talking about today. All alone wound.
It's men's suffer. And this is one of the ways we suffer, man. This is another wound we had talked in earlier sessions about looking back. And this is another part of looking back. We talked about the dad wound, and then we talked about the mom wound. And this here is the all alone wound.
That's right. And how do you go about, cuz also in other past episodes we've talked about the Paul that Timothy and the Barnabas is, that's what this is gonna talk about and
touch on. Yeah. How to introduce those teammates in your life.
Absolutely. We're gonna be talking about the importance of a man's relationship with other men and how those relationships or.
Lack of them can affect a man. We're gonna introduce to you the different type of wound, which you just talked about is the wound that is self inflicted and it's called the all alone
wound. Yeah, self inflicted. We're gonna look at that in a second, too. So this wound characterizes a man who attempts to live life alone on their own.
Just like that. Zebra, you were talking about teammates in life are essential for us to become better men. The people we purposely surround ourselves with in life are critical and they influence us good or bad.
A basketball team. There's five players on the court.
Try to be the one guy against five. It's not gonna work well.
Try
to be the baseball player who has to play all three bases, the catcher, the pitcher and the outfielders. It's not gonna go well, it's not gonna go well at all.
We need coaches for sports, we know we need coaches for sports in vocational world, in the business world. You want to coach to help you better yourself at your occupation. Yeah, there's apprenticeships. Because you need someone to guide you sports.
You need someone to guide you. Coaches, they hire and fire 'em cuz they're so important to winning, to finishing the race.
But when it comes to life, which is infinitely more important than sports and business, we don't think we need coaches.
We don't think we need men in our lives to help us. Go through life. life is the hardest and the greatest thing you'll ever
do.
We're all about coaches in business and sports. When it comes to life. We think that, oh, that's weakness. I can figure this out. . We gotta change that. Thinking that mindset because it's not weakness. Life is more important as sports. Everyone would agree. Then why not have coaches and mentors in life to be successful?
So the three types of teammates we're gonna talk about, and this is how we brought it up in the past that Paul Barnabas and Timothy. So we're gonna break him down, the first one is the mentor,
the encouraging mentor, you want to have someone in your life who is a step ahead of you and can offer you wisdom and guidance. It's someone who takes a special interest in you. This is like the man who's lived life before you who if you have young kids find a guy whose kids are already grown and out the house, just like you get the guy at work who has been there for 30, 40 years. He's shown you what to do. So same thing with life. Find the guy in the area in your life that has, already lived this season. We talked about in the past the four different seasons.
The older, wiser man relationships. Could be grandfathers, a neighbor pastors, elders, a teacher in school who invests in you?
Even a coach. I had a pretty cool basketball coach. Didn't just teach me about basketball. And interestingly enough, I realized that it wasn't about the sport as much as he was trying to teach life skills, the guy skills and how to handle things. Basketball was just a tool to do it.
One of the things I remember him saying when things were bad and you'd, walk to the end of the court with your head hung. and he would yell out " winners never hang their heads". It wasn't just about the sport. That translates to life stuff too. So that kind of a guy, someone that you can talk to and we're talking about heart level, soul level relationships. This is beyond the surface talk.
How you doing? How's your marriage. Are you feeling depressed? It's the intimate stuff that you typically don't wanna talk about.
Using someone in the next step in life ahead of you to learn how to navigate your season is the goal.
That's what we're talking about.
That's right. Go find yourself. One of those Fred. We have, we've had Fred on
here a couple of times. Yeah. Fred is definitely a mentor.
He is a well seasoned man. He's in that winter area of his life go find the Fred.
Fred is a thinker and listening to even how Fred thinks and processes stuff has been an influence on me.
Fred's a good example for us.
Someone who is committed to your development and these people, do see the best in you, even when you can't see it, and they try to pull those things out someone that you admire and respect. Don't get a bad
mentor.
Not just the guy who maybe made a lot of money.
Not that your mentor can't be a wealthy guy. But that shouldn't be the primary qualification. Yes. That you're looking for.
You want the guy that can handle life,
The guy who handles the pressure, find a man who's had a successful. That is, married for the last 30, 40 years and loves his spouse. That's the guy you wanna talk to about your marriage? You wanna find a guy who's been divorced two or three times.
Can you tell me about marriage or the guy who's not married? They're not gonna have the best
advice for you. You want someone bold? Someone courageous someone that's a good thinker. Someone that has handled things well, someone with some consistency, they don't give up that kind of guy, not just the guy that can make a lot of money and everything else in his life just isn't Paning out well
you wanna find a well balanced man.
You wanna find a man who knows how to be a king, a warrior, a friend, and a lover. All of those faces. You wanna find that dynamic man
for your mentor? A multidimensional man, same stuff we always talk about
You wanna find a man who knows how to reject, pass?
He can lead courageously.
He knows how to invest eternally.
And he can accept responsibility.
That's the type of
mentor you wanna find. Multidimensional.
Jay, this is where you and I fall, in this category.
Right here. You and I is the side by side teammate, that's the Barnabas we've talked about.
That's the Barnabas.
Or the Nathaniel or
The Jonathan. And we say that because Paul in the Bible, in the new Testament, Paul worked with Barnabas, they went on missions together.
They went to different cities. They had the same dangers. But they didn't go alone.
. Barnabus was there to encourage and be with Paul. He
helped carry the load. Paul and Barnabas knew it is not wise to isolate yourself and try to travel the journey in life on your own. So they took each other with them and together they handled it.
They beared one another's burdens. They sharpened each other many hands make light work kind of concept.
Side by side teammate. So that's where we, you and I would fall in these categories. I'd say you're my side by side guy. My side by side guy. Yeah. Yeah. You
too.
Thank you, Jay. We're not alone. We're not in isolation,
man.
Woo. Blessed. It is the man who has a few committed teammates,
man teammates. I like the word. Don't make a cliche out of it, but it is teammates. You have guys around you. Helping you to do life. Cuz we're just talking about sports and business.
That's right. And you have teammates in sports, same concept. You have teammates in life. We're using the word teammates and think of a bullpen of teammates, men with different qualifications, different strengths and from different seasons who you can count on and call upon. At any time in life about any issue or struggle, and these people can come out and encourage you and link arms and get you outta the pit when you need to, they can share all the joys in life and all the sorrows with you.
You're not
alone. You want to find the guy that, they love you unconditionally, but will speak truth into your life. And they are true friends who are committed to your best. So this is the guy who's gonna call you out when you're being a knucklehead. You're out there complaining whether it's about your wife or your work, or uncon contentment or your pride.
Cut it out knucklehead he's calling you out on the stuff that's gonna make the best of you versus encouraging you to do the
worst. Yeah. Why are you doing this? Or why aren't you doing that and challenging you, but you gotta
be open to it.
That's right. You actually have to be open to it. Picture of this two guys sitting at a diner table, they're eating lunch. They both come in there and they're like, how are you doing one? Guy's busy at work and all that good stuff.
And the next guy just comes from arguing with his wife, work, stressing him out. He's got, debt up to the ears and all he goes I'm fine. But doesn't. Actually tell him what's going on in life.
Meanwhile, he probably just left the house fighting and arguing. And on the way there is cursing and swearing at the traffic and cutting people
off.
So that guy needs to step out and say I actually need a teammate here that I can , talk to, express the stuff that I'm going through life they've given me clarity and help me walk through this stuff.
You're not called to be alone.
God has not designed a life where you were to live in isolation. So when you are alone and you're struggling, what do you expect?
We desire a companionship. We desire people to talk to and be
with. We're the kinda guy that does do that. We show up after just leaving the mess. And imagine you got the guy in front of you. He did ask how you doing.
And we chose to say good after all the garbage we just went through today's dude, ask me and I just didn't share
why. Yeah. Take the pride, put it down for a moment. Be honest with people. Before we started this recording today, Jay, you and I, we talked about life.
What was new in it? What's going on work situations, personal situations. And we encourage each other. We listen, we call each other out when we need to. And that's what we do. We, actually we're a little late. We talked for two hours before we actually started today. Yeah. We're gonna squeeze in a podcast.
But that's what we do. And that's what, having that side by side teammate does. He's calling you out,
Professor Jeffrey Grief, who wrote the book Buddy System. He's talking about the same thing. He said, some men remain stuck in the adolescent phase of friendship.
Oh, the
Peter pan of friendships. That's
right. Hey, I'm always good. Even though I'm not, and you're always good and we're just gonna hang out and do something that's very surface level and we never take that step into the next phase of friendship, cuz we're just not bold. We're courageous enough to share
The last, of the three types of teammates, that we're gonna talk about is
the protege,
the eager prote.
So the protege is gonna be someone who is a step behind you in life, but eager to learn from your experience, you have the opportunity to give back and invest in others,
So for me right now, my stage just would be like my sons, or a young man early twentie. That maybe wants to step into marriage or is about to ramp up into their career that I can actually invest in again. Then this is gonna be like the mentor. Now you're the mentor
it's gonna be someone that you want a personally dump time into. You're encouraging them and giving them solid advice. And you're not letting them get away with just adolescence,
This is someone that you can develop and encourage
And you gotta have a little care, because this person is gonna go through the same things you went through and you probably don't want him to do it as ignorant as you did because he is gonna struggle. So it's just taking someone younger, giving him a heads up, Hey man, this is how you do this.
This is how you deal with debt. This is how you stay out of debt, this is how you find a girl and actually have something successful in your life. This is how you develop your work ethic. Don't do what everybody else is doing. Please do this instead. I didn't do this. It'll help you if you do. And that's the kind of mentorship we're talking about,
you have the opportunity to give back and invest in others.
So now man, we're gonna talk about the all alone wound. The all alone wound comes from the tendency of a man to live life outside of character shaping relationships.
This is a self-inflicted wound. And it's avoidable. It is
it's avoidable. You can change it. You don't have to stay there. You're not a victim.
The all alone wound is a social, emotional and spiritual loss caused by the lack of healthy male teammates.
Any loss is bad, man. When it when it comes to health, that's a big loss. It is social. It affects the people around you. It affects how you deal with the world socially, which is a big problem today.
You actually
have to go out and talk to. Yeah. And if, and communicate to people, kids these days say,
I don't know how to talk to people. I've never heard those words formed in that sentence before
that's guys have been stuck at home on a cell phone or playing video games and they're not outside playing talk of the neighbors.
Yeah. Going to the store, actually communicating to people, looking them in the eyes.
Isn't that something. So if you're a young guy today, listen, The challenge ahead of you is steep because you've probably grown up just not talking to adults and older people that you look 'em in the eye and you shake their hand and you say, how are you?
How's it going? It's bad.
It is. Look, go, next time you go to the restaurant, look around. At the families and look how many people are just everyone at the table staring at their cell phone. Not talking to each other. Talking about stuff they've seen online, but everyone's looking at their phone and then they find someone like, look, everyone looks at their phone and then they go back to staring at their phone versus not having their phones in their face and looking and communicating and talking and laughing.
I see it all the time. It's crazy what we're doing with our phones and social media.
We're talking about that all alone is that social media makes you feel like you're actually connected to people, but you're not, but you're not.
You're looking at a snapshot of someone's life or thought. It. They're not sharing all the bad
stuff. You're seeing what they want you to see. And that's what guys do. That's what we do. We want people to see the good stuff and we don't want 'em to see the struggles.
And so this is why we have all alone wounds and it affects us emotionally and spiritually, most men are never truly known. That's a heavy
statement right there. You may be a very popular guy.
You may have lots and lots of acquaintances, you may know your neighbors, who they are. You may talk to 'em all the time, but do any of 'em really know who you are personally? What you're struggling with, what's really going on in. not just oh yeah. Johnny boy over there loves, the football team, down the road okay, great.
I'm glad they know your sports team. Cuz you got your flag out front, like but what do they actually know about you?
This guy knows everyone, but no one knows him. Let's talk about this guy for a minute. He doesn't want anyone to know him. He knows a lot of people.
He's connected with a lot of people on social media or even at work, but he doesn't want anyone to know him. They don't know him. They know how he dresses. They think he's, popular. They think he's tough or whatever image he's trying to display, but he won't let anybody in a guy like this only learns from pain.
He can't learn from mentorship. He can't learn from feedback from any of these teammates around him cuz he doesn't share. So he learns from mistakes. He learns from his own errors and pain because he thinks that mentorship and reaching out to guys is
weak.
What is the consequence of the all own
wound, man?
consequences for the all alone wound.
Is a warped perspective on life. Ouch.
When you're disconnected, your life becomes warped. That's heavy.
It is. It causes lots of
havoc. You know what it affects. Ultimately, you become a statistic on the FBI's yearly crime
statistics sheet 72.5% of all crime committed by men.
That's what warped life looks like you
become a father wound.
Because you're not connecting with your boys.
Because confused disconnected men are destructive. You don't have disconnected men who are navigating life and contributing to society in a good, beneficial way. Disconnected guys are confused, men and confused men commit more crimes, and women and children and society suffers because of it.
There's a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death. Ouch. Where did
that statement come? That's from Proverbs 14. 12. Oh, you mean God's word has something to say about the topic? Absolutely. That's
a whole lot about the topic. Scripture is filled with men, not needing to be alone. Think about all of the stories in scripture, like king David had Jonathan. He was going through trial after trial people the king was trying to kill him, Saul was trying to kill king David constantly.
Saul's own son. Jonathan loved David. And protected David.
They loved each other. They loved each other like men not the stuff we're seeing today. Like men, they cared for each other. They had each other's back, they supported each other and they had a genuine soul level relationship, character building relationship.
That's right. Jonathan put his life on the line for king David.
Yeah, he did. And Nathan also was a man in David's life. Who called him out when he was wrong.
When he was. he went to him and he didn't just come to him directly. I think there's many ways you can call a man out.
Yeah. But, he shared a story and he says, isn't that unfair? And he is oh, that's outrageous. He goes, that's you?
Yeah. And how clever was that? . And then you have people in the new Testament. Paul had, as we said earlier, Barnabas. He also had Silas, another friend, that he went on missions with. And even Jesus who's the manhood that we're modeling had 12 disciples.
He had 12 side by side friendships, and he also mentored them. That's
right. He gave us the perfect example.
Nowhere in the Bible do you see it support or teach isolation? Nowhere because it's dangerous. It actually speaks against it. Just like that verse you just read and we think we're too busy for it.
Or we think it's weakness to reach out. But as that verse says, there's a way that seems right to a man. We think we're right by not reaching out and developing relationships, but as the verse finishes, but its end is the way of death. Amen that Bible's not silent on that topic to get an accurate picture of yourself.
You need feedback from trusted teammates.
You need people that are gonna give you honest answers, not harsh, and just constantly berating you and putting you down. But someone that can actually give you good feedback.
Who you are and how you treat people and how you communicate to people.
my older brother who is a mentor to me, we were talking about this last week about having an accountability partner in your life. And I had mentioned, man, one little thing me and you through the Bible every year.
Yep. And I told him, I would not be doing three years straight if it wasn't for Justin, I wouldn't, I would've gave up six months in. On your own, it's hard, man.
I've heard it described this way. Imagine a bonfire, not a campfire, a bonfire, the big one. Yep. Tons of wood. Pallets, all of it. This thing is an Inferno at night sparks, just rising into the sky. Hot. Ugh, you gotta stand back a little bit, starts to burn your shins. You know what I'm talking about? Yep.
And you take one log off of that bonfire and carry it about 20 feet away and set it down. What happens to it burns away. It burns out, man. It can't stay a flame because it's not on the pile. And so that teamwork, that bullpen we're talking about is that big bonfire. And when you carry one off and drop it somewhere, it burns out, man, it gets cold.
Real fast, immediately. Amazing. It was just so hot here. What happened? You took it away from the fellowship.
It needs the other wood.
And it's life. Yeah. We need each other to, to give each other feedback,
we
need help we do our best. But doing it alone is not easy. And what happens? What's another consequence.
Another consequence, is the potential of careless living in foolish choices.
The definition of foolish, lacking, or exhibiting a lack of good sense or judgment. Capable of arousing laughter absurd or ridiculous. Embarrassed. abashed, lacking a good sense of judgment and discretion.
A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire. He rages against all wise
judgment. That's the fool right there,
and that's from Proverbs 18 one.
Not having a teammate makes it easy for the standard to get lowered.
If I know you're not watching what I'm doing, I'm risking doing the wrong thing cuz I'm not gonna be called out that. I'm gonna take the easy path because nobody's gonna stop
me instead of being a man who accepts responsibility and rejects passivity and leads, courageously and invest eternally, you're gonna lower that standard.
I can
be passive here cuz nobody's gonna stop me.
The path to foolish decisions is often the loneliness.
A lost chance for much needed transparency. Every man needs teammates with whom he can feel safe. Now, guys, not like this. I need a safe space to talk because my truth and your truth. No guys. There's one truth. It's God's truth. Let's make that clear.
There is absolute truth out there. Nonetheless, a consequence from this all alone is a lost chance of much needed transparency.
You're not open with people. You're not honest with people. I tell my kids all the time, don't hide. Your feelings, you need to learn how to articulate, you have to be transparent.
And the only way you can be transparent is if you have that relationship with somebody that you know, that when you tell them, they're not just gonna go tell every. That's what I mean by feeling
safe, there's a level of confidentiality. If you tell me your business, I'm not gonna just go tell it to everybody. I actually keep it safe for you. And I work on it with you. And unless you approve of me inviting someone else into that issue for more support and help and direction.
That's what we mean by safe.
Without transparency, most of these men. Are likely to fall into the three DS, Jay, what are
they? Yeah, either one or all of them. That's right. Number one's discouragement. You don't have anybody around you're discouraged.
Who likes to be lonely? I'm so glad I'm lonely. I never heard anybody say that. And you become discouraged because you have no hope. Depression is number two. You fall into depression and it's hard to get outta depression. A true depression. I'm not talking about just the blues. I'm talking about a depression where you lose energy to climb back on the horse.
And you fall into danger. What kind of danger, man? I start doing stupid things that get me on the FBI's list.
That's right. I'll become the 72.5%.
Just pile you on top of everybody else. You're just another statistic, man. Cuz you haven't been doing what needs to be done to live a bold successful life.
Us for life. Amen. We need other guys, man. when we watch other guys do bold courageous things, it encourages us to do the same. When I see you be a good husband or a good father, I want to be a good husband and good
father. Jay, I see you go to work and work hard. It makes me want to go to work and work hard. So when we see other guys do something, it encourages us to do it.
When I see you text me a verse, man, I'm like, Hey, I gotta get on it too, man. I want what he got today. I gotta giddy up.
We talked about the three that we need. We need mentors. We need someone to mentor. We need that side by side teammate. Then we talked about the all alone wound, what it actually means, and the consequences of them.
So how do we actually build these teammates? We could see the consequence of that loneliness. We know that what type of teammates we need. So how do we actually build 'em Jay
man, you gotta learn how to be a loyal teammate. Someone who can encourage other.
And then you have to learn how to ask good questions and take a genuine interest in someone else.
My wife called me out one time many years ago on that one said, Justin people try to talk to you and you're not even listening. You're just trying to come up with what you wanna say next, because I wasn't taken an interest in what people were saying.
And when I did, I find that people want someone to talk. I can go in the gas station and come out and hear like a personal life story from the guy behind the counter all within five minutes, because he just needed someone to talk to. Yeah. And someone to ask a question.
Like that guy needs somebody in his life. If you just meet someone on the street and they're telling you a deep, personal secret, like they're crying out. They want someone to ask them these questions. And I think all of us guys, men. need
somebody like this. I would say if you want to be a loyal teammate who encourages, and if you want to be someone who takes a genuine interest in someone else, one word.
Ears. Be a listener,
shut up. And I'm not saying never say anything, but be someone who can listen. Be a great listener, man. Tell me what's going on.
Tell me what happened. What are you thinking? Ask questions. Good questions, but be a listener.
Shut your trap because someone going through something probably, isn't gonna remember what you said, but they're gonna remember that you listened to them. So it takes ears, man, if you wanna be and that's at work, that's at home, your kid's got something going on.
Listen to what they said. Hear all of it. And then come with something later, but be ears first.
Sometimes you don't even have to give advice. Just
listen. People just want a sounding board. I want to get this out. I wanna say it and I need someone to be there, be that person for them.
And half the time when you're listening, as that person's talking, they're coming to the own realization of what they need to
fix a lot of times that happens. Yeah. And then if you wanna be helpful, ask a question that encourages them to talk more and be more ears for them. Another way man, to build healthy teammates is be willing to be vulnerable and transparent.
You know what I'm gonna say it he asked me how I'm doing and I'm gonna say not good. I'm not doing good today, man. I got this going on, that going on and it sucks. And I'm trying to get through it. What would you do?
Put the wall down. You have to be intentional with other men.
You gotta initiate these relationships. Don't wait for someone else to, because they probably never will. Cuz guys just dont.
He who walks with wise, men will be wise. But the companion of fools will be destroyed.
proverbs 1320. You want
to be a wise man. Walk with
wise men,
so hang out with wise, men, hang out with guys who have the life together, who care for their children and care for their spouses and are passionate about communicating
let's talk about the different types of mentors. Again, how do you look for one? look for a man whose character and skills you admire. And then the protege
Be a man to whom others are drawn. Make yourself available. Be the guy who has his life together, be the guy who is vulnerable and can talk, be the guy who loves others. You attract people. The way you attract people is you put these four pillars of manhood.
We keep talking about you are a multidimensional man.
I wanna be near him. Cause I wanna be like that.
Ecclesiastes says. Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their toil.
For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow, but woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up.
Think of that verse, even if you're not a Christian and you read that, what would the man who falls and doesn't have someone to help him?
Have you ever been there where you have no one around to lift you up? The Bible talks about all those issues.
Imagine you fall on a pit in the middle of the woods and you don't have anyone to help you out of a pit. You're stuck in that pit.
You're stuck in the pit. And even if it's not a physical pit, , you're going through something in life and you're alone. The Bible speaks about all those issues. Check it. God, didn't leave us alone to wander around and just flail in the dark there's there is a light to get through life and that's our manual.
Yeah.
Jay God sent us his son to die on a cross for our sins. So we didn't have to be alone. So we could spend eternity with him, with others in this fellowship, because hell is aloneness. Everyone thinks hell's this party. It's not it's aloneness. Jay separation from true separation from.
You don't know what separation from God is, cuz he's still here. But when you die, that's permanent separation and you're in hell in torment all alone by yourself. No, one's there with you. It's a lake of fire, but heaven man. That's fellowship. We're worshiping. We're working together, man. God sent his son.
Jesus Christ for us. Repent. Believe.
Until you get there, God has given you a manual to get through life. You will suffer all the way through, but you can suffer well and not alone.
You have a different perspective on suffering, as a Christian, when you have Christ in your life, I have a heavenly father and a kingdom waiting for me.
My suffering here is preparing me for something later. So I'm not looking at this as, oh, what was me I'm looking at, this is what God's got me going through, and this is actually developing me as God is using it for my good, whether I like it or not. So there is joy in suffering. Amen. That's not a
waste.
Men don't be alone. Initiate. Be the man be intentional.
A lot of information this week. Next week's about the heart, man. We're gonna look a little 📍 deeper into the heart of a man.
That's right. It's gonna be good stuff. I'm looking forward to it, Jay. Thanks for being here. Thanks for listening to me for two hours before we actually recorded this.
Yeah, it was good. I love you brother. Next week, brother. Talk to you soon.